Monster

When? When did I become this monster?
Why? Why did I change?
How? How is this possible?
Where? Where is my life going?
Who? Who am I now?
What... what the hell is going on?!


Let's face it: I'm a pile of shit right now. When did I stop reading until morning and start staying late at night on the computer? When did I stop being married and start to "see other people"? Since when I'm a friendly person? Since when I do not fight for my ideas and just accept what they tell me? WHO AM I? (I wanted to post the lyrics of Who I am, by After Forever... But it's just a song so positive that'll just ruin the blog entry).
I started to think today, I was bored, you know? Anyway, I started to reflect on the fact that I'm not the girl I used to be, in so many ways; and I don't like who I am now at all. I mean, I have lots of books to read and they just lay there, in the corner of some dusty furniture; or the music I used to love, it's just a file or a cd in the case 'cuz I don't listen to music anymore (except when I' on the bus and I need it to stay awake);  or certain attitudes towards life that I had never ever thought I would have, and I won't tell which ones here; or the relationship with my family, it keeps getting worse and worse every day and living in my house keeps getting impossible to bare; or the study, I'm doing a summer subject and I'm reading absolutely nothing to pass it, when I used to be a "good" student; or my writing activity, that now is this and nothing else (when I used to write a diary of my everyday life, and poems, and lyrics-without-music, and stuff)... Among other things I won't mention, not because I don't want to, but because I need not to think about them.


Whatever, I don't wanna write anymore, it's making me even more blue than I already am (I cannot believe I just said that, I'd never gotten tired of writing!). I just hope for the best for me, otherwise it'll happen something I mentioned yesterday when I went out to Costanera Sur with some Mate and cookies: if you weren't in my life -I said-, I wouldn't be able to wear the uniform and show... things I would do (if you're a reader of this blog, you'll understand what I'm talking about. If you don't... Well, think about it).
Anyway... The End